Bye horoscopes. It’s all about The Dress now.
1. The Dress has taken over the world. It will now determine your future. Choose carefully.
What Does Your Future Hold, According To The Dress?
- You got: Becoming a billionaire superhero
What you saw in the dress has unlocked your inner powers and from this day forward your world will change. You’ll use your enhanced skills to get rich, but one day you’ll want to give back. That day, you’ll don your superhero alter ego and become The Dress Maker. You’ll heal the world after the great war that began on 26 February 2015.
- You got: Space travel to Mars
The dress has unlocked the wonders of the universe for you. The world can no longer contain you and you’ll say buh-bye to friends, family and your dog to take the first ship to Mars. There you’ll run into some aliens who’ll insist The Dress is green and pink, and you’ll turn straight back around and come back to Earth.Warner Bros
- You got: A career in fashion design
No longer content with any clothes that currently exist, you’re going to devote all your time to designing something that rocks your world as much as The One True Dress. You’ll create beautiful clothes and win plenty of awards, but nothing will make you feel the way you did on D-Day, 26 February 2015.Disney-Pixar
- You got: Winning at the Olympics
Something changed inside of you on 26 February 2015, and you don’t know what or how but you won’t look back. You’ll compete at the next Olympics and win. You’ll step up to the podium, receive your medal, and stare at it lovingly. Then you’ll turn to the person next to you and say, “sorry, but is this medal black or gold?”
- You got: Becoming Oprah
The Dress will lead you down a path of discovery that will unlock the secret of the universe: that Oprah actually retired 30 years ago and has been living on a yacht somewhere off the coast of New Zealand. You will join the long tradition of Oprah’s disciples who ensure the world will never be without Her. You will literally be the new Oprah.
- You got: Time travel
You will achieve what no genius has achieved before: the ability to time travel. You will go back to 25 February 2015 and burn the damn dress before anyone lays their godforsaken eyes on the thing. KILL IT. KILL IT WITH FIRE.New Line Cinema