1. He’s sensitive.
He’s drinking coffee and sitting in front of abstract art. Do you think he’s, like, talking about the meaning of life or something? College!
Like, reeeeeeally sensitive.
You know you feel this way all the time too, or at least you did when you were a teenager.
The “way too introspective” kind of sensitive.
Been there, Conor. Been. There.
2. He fronts the one band teens and critics can agree on.
Possibly ever! Bright Eyes was the sole project of Oberst before getting a full band. He remains the only consistant member. If you can name someone else in Bright Eyes, you are probably a better person than most.
3. He’s literally a poetic genius.
Especially if you’re fifteen and have no idea who Leonard Cohen is.
Now a mother takes loans out, sends her kids off to colleges.
Her family’s reduced to names on a shopping list.
While, a coroner kneels beneath a great, wooden crucifix.
He knows there’s worse things than being alone.
And so I’ve learned to retreat at the first sign of danger.
I mean, why wait around, if it’s just to surrender?
An ambition, I’ve found, can lead only to failure.
I do not read the reviews.
No, I am not singing for you.
– Let’s Not Shit Ourselves (To Love or To be Loved)
4. He taught us how to love.
There’s a difference, guys!!! Who knew? CONOR DID, THAT’S WHO.
6. He taught us reinvention was possible…
And despite the fact that Bright Eyes was the best band ever, he had like 10 million other projects.
Conor Oberst and the Mystic Valley Band started in 2007 and is still going strong.
Desaparecidos is Oberst’s heavier (albeit, emo) band that recently reunited.
Monsters of Folk is Conor’s supergroup: My Morning Jacket’s Jim James and She & Him’s M. Ward are in the band.
Before the Faint were the Faint, they were Norman Bailer. A young Oberst played drums.
7. He is constantly compared to Bob Dylan.
Bobby D is soooo sentimental.
Craig Ferguson: See, I love your work, and I’m reading that they’re saying you’re the new Bob Dylan, how does that stuff kinda get you? Do you not like it?
Conor Oberst: Uh, I mean… There’s certainly worse things to be called.
8. He got the girl because he’s dark and mysterious.
Did you date Winona Ryder? No, because you are not Conor Oberst. And ladies, who didn’t want to be her? Swoon.
9. He wrote the perfect young love song.
If you were born in the late ’80s/early ’90s, someone you dated in high school probably said “this song is about us.” And meant it.
10. Because of him, every sad boy looked like this in 2002.
And you loved it.
12. He was raised Catholic but identifies with no religion.
Just like us!
He’s still going through a weird new age phase.
You bought some crystals one time. Don’t front.
14. He was basically Lena Dunham before Lena Dunham was Lena Dunham.
And he was more poetic. Sorry (not sorry.)
15. In short, Conor, you’re the best brooding hunk in all of music.
Thanks for being the patron saint of depressed teens everywhere. Never change.